Derivative thoughts from having a bad night...

So I had a bad night the other night. Nothing hooked really, and my state was noticably shook and timid for most of the night. I broke this down in detail in a FR on the Boston Lair site. I don't feel compelled to cross post it here but the take aways are:

1. I need to be putting in a consistent level of effort towards maintaining a sharp pickup mindset/skillset. It feels like I'm trying to improve while still being in the Pickup Reserves. 1 Weekend a month/ 2 weeks a year. Get the comparison? Not that that's all that I go out, but there certainly is a line where if you're not letting pickup (either sarging or dedicating time to reading/listening/meditation/private exercises/etc) have an active place in how you spend your free time then your skills will decline. And every time you go out you'll have to get over a much higher initial hurdle to get into state. Funny enough this is precisely the problem that will be solved once I've fully flushed out my pickup regimen.

2. In a new environment, with new wings, my game faltered. There were elements of the environment that lent towards going direct which isn't a particular strong suit of me in opening. So I'm going to work on that. But also, I do not believe in blaming the environment, one set had opened up just fine and faltered when I didn't handle an interrupt well. Part of what affected me here was probably a desire to make an impression, and when I knew I wasn't in top form it compounded. I wasn't actively in my head about this, but I was in my head about other things and I'm sure this was festering in my subconscious. The interesting thing is, when you're out with new guys, the best way to make a good impression is to simply approach. Everyone's going to have their stengths and weaknesses when you meet them. But if you don't even show what you're capable of, then the truth is you've shown that you're not capable of anything. Even more so, you've taken them away from doing their thing as well. I will keep this in mind whenever I'm out with new wings in the future. Just show them you can approach, the results will be based on many things, both within and beyond your control. Approaching is always 100% within your control.

3. I needed this. I've been focused on self-improvement, idenity and lifestyle work that yield great value to my overall pickup skillset. But what I'd neglected, unaware to me until now, actually created a gap where I wasn't able to take that work, and bring it out in the field. I wasn't able to approach, talk, DHV about all these things I've been doing, convey the core confidence of my personality and who I am. I also, gave the girls waaaaaay too much value before I approached. This was due to the new environment and was a great checkpoint to see how much my core sense of value is rooted in my comfort zone (yes several Boston venues I'd now consider in my comfort zone) and how universal it was (winner: comfort zone). This frustrating splash of cold water is exactly what I needed to raise my awareness of how I need to better go about growing and maintaining the work that I've done. In the FR I equated this to going to the gym.

Having said those things, there's an aside that I wanted to share in this space. It's interesting. I know that within the Boston Lair there's a perception of me that I'm an accomplished PUA. I have a high presence and profile, organize events, and seem to make a solid first impression, and strong impressions of those who see me in the field. So when I struggled the last time I went out and I wrote a field report about it. It was interesting to me. I knew in a sense that that impression people had of me would take a hit in a way. Not negatively or anything, but in a sense that I appeared more (looking for the right word)... mortal. In many ways this is good. People who struggle can relate to seeing "someone as accomplished at Patch struggle" gives them context for themselves, as people have already said to me. I debated if I really wanted to share that with everyone, opening up my reputation to such fluctuation. Ultimately I decided it would be cathartic, and add value to more people that hinder people by causing them to think "if patch still struggles then it's ok for me to" and we should all be working towards understanding our struggles and working to minimize their reoccurances. I wonder how many people throughout the community at large, only represent themselves through positive experiences, because they derive a little too much value from their reputation within the community. Not saying that I know any, but I'm sure they're out there.